19 Things I Noticed at the Start of COVID-19

This was written in the middle of March 2020, days before the city of Austin issued stay at home orders on March 23, and shortly after SXSW was canceled, an annual conglomeration of parallel film, interactive media, and music festivals and conferences.

Pictured: The SXSW Building at 14th and Lavaca in Austin, TX. I had just started working as a seasonal employee there until the first international event, SXSW, was canceled. I lost my job along with so many others.

When will this pass?

This weird time.

This is my reality right now.

“Routine will set you free.”
-Brene Brown

These times feel strange. Events are being canceled. Community gatherings are scarce. Driving by restaurants tables are empty. Streets less trafficked and grocery stores beyond crowded. Eventbrite in person event cancelations in my inbox. Virtual content all over the place. A burpee group to encourage movement, I need the motivation and yet, where does one go during a time like this? Texts come in, “this city is dead.” We are being given permissions to slow the F down. It feels like my autonomy is being stripped from me. I’m wavering in the acceptance that this is all even real.

Waking up to participate in Avodat Lev (Meaning service of the heart in Hebrew) filled with prayers and meditations, poetry and songs. Being able to see 58 other people coming together online to connect in community for spiritual nourishment. Technology, keeping us together.

Noticing resistance around accepting the reality. It doesn’t have to consume, I can move through what is.

I’ve resisted this process of writing about what’s going on because I’ve not wanted to give so much attention and effort to it. Like maybe if I resist moving into acceptance I’ll wake up and it will all be a dream. Instead we are jumping, and leaping forcefully into living differently.

I’ve been asked what I have found to be the silver lining in all this. I can’t say there’s a singular answer here but I have been able to wrap my mind and words around several different concepts of the shifting inside and outside of myself.

Bringing my head and my heart I share this, knowing that it’s all so temporary and malleable and things, in two weeks, will also be different. As written in the book, Radical Acceptance, by mindfulness teacher and author, Tara Brach, “naming or noticing is another notable tool of traditional mindfulness practice that we can apply.”

This was the last in person gathering I had on March 15, 2020 before Austin went into lockdown. We hosted the event, Rally Up Wellness, virtually and some of the presenters came together, but many were already socially distanced. We hosted three sessions exploring topics of The Future of Wellness, Expanding our Human Potential and Connection in the Digital Age. Our connection was elbows only, no handshakes or hugs!

1. Social distancing is a new norm. The removal of expectation to attend something, to go out and network, to go out and be productive. An introverts dream, and I’m digging it.
2. Rethinking work and productivity — We no longer have to go to work, to a building, to a desk, to a four-walled office to produce effective work with teammates who sit next to us. This goes to show that the power of technology and communication can create and support efficient systems.
3. Consumption. Seriously people, the toilet paper wars, bare grocery shelves where no cans are left, the only produce selection is oranges and grapefruits and people are walking the aisles wearing masks yet their shopping carts are filled with cookies, chips and highly processed foods.
4. Food is medicine and proactive, empowered wellness practices are accessible.
5. Slowing down gives us time to connect with people we love and care about. Video with someone, send sweet emails, connect with your community. Last night I played virtual trivia and get to know you games. I laughed and danced and noticed feelings of joy and happiness.
6. I invite people to get quiet with themselves and explore what really matters. It’s times like these I find myself wondering what impact I want to have in the world and how I want to show up. So, if not now, when? and if not me, then who? There’s so much information and social invitations for digital connection. I have a choice in the information I receive.
7. Truth. In the spirit of how I see my life, because we have a short time here. I would like to share my life with a partner. I want to support and encourage and feel that sameness from a beloved. To connect and love and laugh and cry through all the wild times which exist in my heart, in their heart and in our hearts.
8. Thinking about this today, I actually feel pretty full. My social life still feels active; taking form in new ways. Being able to listen to meditations, prayers, songs online from beloved friends and leaders.
9. It’s not too different from my life pre-COVID-19. This is a turning point, a time when humanity will look back and note this as an event signifying time. It’s already become a marker that frames our reality.
10. I can hear the birds chirping. The solitude of the streets and the noise of passersby is few.
11. Fear of the unknown. As we retreat to ourselves, to our homes and places of respite it’s unknown how this whole thing is going to play out. It’s okay, and this will pass. It’s just a weird time.
12. Mother Earth is getting a break. Less car use is giving the air a chance to be with less carbon emissions. She’s resting, she’s tired, let her be. I honor her and feel her. I find myself wondering where this all came from and trying to understand something which feels insurmountable to comprehend.
13. Living in the United States of America aren’t we supposed to have the solutions. A powerlessness inside me exists and still takes breath.
14. What to believe. Is this all a conspiracy theory linked to climate change or something else? I’ve read so many different things and my brain is tired.
15. I’m worried about my mother because she doesn’t respond to text. How does one show up to loved ones when it feels unreciprocated? I would like to know that she has enough food. I want her to know how much she’s cared about, at least by me. I notice I feel scared and powerless.
16. Finances have me concerned because I’m not working. Having work will bring me security. Is the idea of security beyond human control?
17. I’m thinking about those who are unable to work, have lost jobs, have children at home and maybe struggling to figure out how to buy enough food for their family to be at home for a week or two. Or what about those people who aren’t sure how they will pay their rent and have children at home.
18. We are gaining time in our lives. With the commute to work removed, and driving to events taken out I am curious how much time we are gaining in life. Time being the only resource we all have equal. I read a book recently that talked about having meetings online or at your office, not traveling for meetings and the amount of time this would save you. Drive time is important to consider and if we have systems to support virtual connection then we can find new time. What if the time you had increased by 10–15%. That would assume you drive around 2–2.5 hours per day. How amazing would that be to gain 2–2.5 hours into your day to cook, exercise, rest, connect with loved ones, write, and find new activities that bring you joy. What are you doing with this new found time?
19. How do I want to show up with all that’s happening in the world? Share creativity, watch Netflix, collaborate on projects, focus on personal health. What difference do you want to make?

The view from the Austin Public Library as I sat in contemplation of the times upon us, and little did I know, 2020 would be coming to an end and this writing from March would be shared 9 months later as we close out the year.

• The rest of this article is additional content to the above, written in March 2020. This year was definitely far from what I or anyone else could have imagined. My year held job loss, mental health, a parent getting COVID (and thankfully surviving two hospitalizations), moving, self exploration, and the creation of MuzicRX.
• In another article I will share more about my experience with COVID-19 and resources I found helpful while my father was hospitalized fighting for his life.
• Wishing you and all your loved ones a 2021 full of blessings, connection and abundance.